working wordsmith + happy husband + doting dad + amateur author + fledgling farceur + pretend prestidigitator + jolly hockeyologist
working wordsmith + happy husband + doting dad + amateur author + fledgling farceur + pretend prestidigitator + jolly hockeyologist

Why, why, why?

It started with "how does the snowplough driver get to work in the mornings?" and "how do they get the non-stick coating to stick to the inside of frying pans?", and then I started compiling all sorts of similar nonsensical questions that can keep you awake at night (but hopefully with a smile on your face!) My collection is here - so far - but I'd welcome all contributions!

  • How does a snowplough driver get to work in the morning?
  • How do they get the non-stick surface to stick to the inside of frying pans?
  • How do the 'keep off the grass' signs get onto the grass in the first place?
  • Why doesn't glue stick to the inside of the tubes?
  • How did the first man who ever counted from one to ten know that he was right? And what if he wasn't?
  • Why don't they make aeroplanes out of the same material they make the black boxes out of, since they are always found intact? And since they are orange, not black, why aren't they called orange boxes?
  • Can acupuncture cure pins and needles?
  • Why are wrong telephone numbers never engaged?
  • Why do people say that their alarms are going off when they have just turned on?
  • If an astronaut catches a cold while in orbit, would he still say he was feeling under the weather? And does feeling 'over the weather' mean that you feel fine?
  • If the #2 pencil is the most popular, why is it still #2?
  • Why do older women blue-rinse their hair? Is it to comfort the men who lose theirs, so that they can say "just be grateful you lose it, look what colour it goes if you keep it?"
  • If the third blade of a best-selling razor apparently shaves you closest of all, what's the point of the first two?
  • How do you know if you never forget a face?
  • Do jellyfish come in different flavours?
  • How deep would the ocean be if there were not any sponges in it?
  • If an antique shop had a sale, would the prices go up?
  • If a silly man is called 'gormless', can a sensible man be described as 'gorm'?
  • Why are chillies called chillies, when they are so hot?
  • Why do kamikaze pilots were safety helmets?
  • Why can't criminals do a proper job and commit a 'decent' assault?
  • Surely the correct phrase to use should be 'uncivil' war? Or does this mean soldiers are very polite? "Excuse me old chap, would you mind just standing there while I shoot you?"
  • If an incompetent person is inept, is a competent person ept?
  • Why does everyone always fire at Will? Isn't it about time they picked on someone else for a change? What did Will ever do that was so bad that he appears to be public enemy number one?
  • Where is the flap in a flapjack?
  • Why don't sheep shrink in the wash?
  • Do burns victims get a discount at the crematorium?
  • Why doesn't cat food come in mouse flavour and dog food in cat flavour?
  • If man was not meant to eat animals, why are they all made out of meat?
  • If man was not meant to have midnight feasts, why do refridgerators all have lights inside them?
  • Why is wind?
  • Why is it that night falls but day breaks?
  • Why is there always a teaspoon in the sink after you finish washing the dishes?
  • Do people ever reach the middle of their tether and, if so, are they perfectly content?
  • Why are circles so vicious when they have no pointy bits or jagged edges?
  • What is so daft about brushes?
  • Why does 'fat chance' and 'slim chance' mean the same thing?
  • Surely if a woman is committing herself to marriage, she would want to marry the BEST man?
  • Do hedgehogs ever suffer from prickly heat?
  • Do you only get a reprimand after being primanded in the first place?
  • How does a river run?
  • When does the obvious become blatant?
  • Is recycling a return journey on a bicycle?
  • Does anybody really have a toffee nose?
  • What is the female equivalent of 'sugar daddies' and 'toy boys'?
  • Where do all the carrots in vomit come from?
  • Do upmarket seaside resorts offer rods of marble instead of sticks of rock?
  • Do animals bark/squeak/growl in different languages and accents?
  • Do bank managers laugh all the way to the office, to work or to somewhere else?
  • If flying is so safe, why is the airport called a terminal?
  • What is the difference between a chip and a French fry?
  • What is the point of a football team being in a league of its own? Who would they play against?
  • Where are all the second world countries?
  • Why do we always 'call it a day' at night?
  • Isn't everybody on their last legs?
  • Who taught the first teacher?
  • Do rabbits consider their own feet to be lucky?
  • If a mime artist is arrested, would he be given the right to speak?
  • If 'laughter' is pronounced 'lafter', doesn't that make everyone's daughter 'dafter'?
  • Are part-time big band leaders semi-conductors?
  • Why does toast come in rounds, when most slices of bread are more squareish?
  • How do you know which cheek is the 'other' one?
  • Why do we travel on planes, trains, boats and buses, but IN cars?
  • Why do wire coat hangers always seem to multiply in the wardrobe?
  • Do flying fish ever lose their luggage?
  • How can you be second to none?
  • If a gloworm backed into a fan, would it be de-lighted?
  • Is a drunken ghost a methylated spirit?
  • If oranges are called oranges because they are orange, why aren't bananas called yellows?
  • If flies are called flies because they fly, why aren't fish called swims?
  • If one synchronised swimmer had a heart attack and accidentally drowned during a performance, what happens to the rest of their team?
  • What is the point of reading between the lines?
  • How do you know if you have a blessing in disguise? What is it disguised as?
  • Do exceptional dancers have two right feet?
  • How is it possible to see someone if they are wearing a really good quality camouflage jacket?
  • If the government solved the unemployment problem and found a job for everyone, what would happen to the people who work in the job centres?
  • Why do people say 'good grief'? What's so good about it?
  • If moths are drawn to light, why don't they come out during the day, when they can have as much light as they could possibly desire?
  • Do teetotallers suffer from  hangunders?
  • If Alcoholics Anonymous really is anonymous, why do people start the meetings by saying "hello, my name is..."?
  • Why don't they make bigger tins for sardines, or put fewer fish in each one?
  • Do overweight people refer to their undergarments as 'larges'?
  • Is the healthier equivalent of a couch potato a comfy chair chip?
  • If women's tights are available in 'barely black', are there other such 'nearly' colours, like resembling red, vaguely violet, bordering on blue and almost almond?
  • Why does the ear-piercing low battery warning on a smoke alarm always go off at 3am and not 3pm?
  • Why do people call rare steak blue when it is actually really rather red?
  • Is a square meal a TV dinner?
  • Do people in India and China ever pop out for an English?
  • Why does the telephone start ringing as soon as you sit on the toilet or get into the shower, but stop as soon as you pick it up?
  • Do earwigs have ears? And if so, can they "wig" or wiggle them?
  • Why hasn't evolution allowed bees to stop dying as soon as they use their sting, or allow flies and wasps to sniff out fresh air so that they can actually fly out of the window when you open it for them?
  • Where does the airbag cover on a car's steering wheel go? If the airbag deploys so quickly, doesn't the cover spring out and hit you in the face?
  • Isn't a dry drink a contradiction in terms?
  • What happened to all the gold that the three wise men brought to Mary and Joseph? No room at the Inn? They could have bought the entire place!
  • How can you have the "greatest album in the world ever...volume 3?"
  • If you can be overwhelmed and underwhelmed, presumably you can also be whelmed?
  • Do turtles wear people-necked sweaters?
  • What do restless ants get in their pants?
  • If stamp collectors are philatelists, why don't you ever hear somebody walk into a Post Office and ask for six first-class philats?
  • Is the reason that it can be difficult to understand the words of a long distance lorry driver because they are so often inarticulate?
  • Why is it that you spend hours tossing and turning at night trying to sleep, but as soon as the alarm bell sounds, you start sleeping like a log? Has anyone ever been around long enough to see a log wake up?
  • Does an underachiever sleep their way to the middle?
  • Can someone who is sober be described as being ebriated?
  • Does someone who unsuccessfully tries to kill themselves by taking numerous pills get diagnosed as suffering from an underdose? Can someone who is over-tired use, as an excuse, the fact that they took an underdose of stimulants?
  • Diamonds are girl's best friend. Man's best friend is his dog. Go figure.
  • If one identical twin takes out a patent on his face, does his brother have to spend the rest of his life walking around in disguise?
  • Is camping loitering within tent?
  • If a person with two left feet goes on holiday, does he look around all the seafront shops for a pair of flip flips?
  • If you buy a bag of new potaotes in the supermarket and they then exceed their use-by datge, do they become old new potatoes?
  • Why are old ladies always described as little? Where are all the big old ladies?
  • What if there were no hypothetical questions?
  • If a stealth fighter plane crashed in a forest, would it make a sound?
  • Isn't it a little unnerving that doctors call the place in which they work a practice?
  • What was the best thing before sliced bread?
  • If someone with multiple personalities threatened to kill himself, would this be considered a hostage situation?
  • Do fish console their lovesick friends by reminding them that there are plenty more girls on the land?
  • If birdwatching is called ornithology, why don't twitchers keep records of all the orniths they have spotted?
  • Why do gynaecologists always leave the room while their patients get undressed?
  • Is French kissing simply called kisisng in France?
  • What do people in China call their best plates?
  • If you mated a bulldog with a shitsu, would the result be bullshit?
  • Why does mineral water that has "trickled through the volcanic mountains for centuries" have a use-by date on it?
  • Why are steps called steps outside, but stairs inside?
  • Who was the first person to look at a cow and say "I think I'll squeeze those dangly things and drink whatever comes out?"
  • Why do people point to their wrist when asking for the time, but never point to their nether-regions when asking for the location of the bathroom?
  • What is the correct name for a male ballerina?
  • Surely it cannot inspire confidence if you entrust you life savings to a 'broker'?
  • If quizzes are quizzical, what are tests?
  • If a man is talking in a forest, and there is no woman around to hear him, is he still wrong?
  • If corn oil comes from corn, sunflower oil from sunflowers, olive oil from olives and vegetable oil from vegetable, where does baby oil come from?
  • Why is it that if you tell someone there are a billion stars in the universe, they believe you, but if you tell them there is wet paint somewhere, they have to put their hands on it before they belive you?
  • Why do dogs go mad if your blow in their face, but as soon as you take them out in the car, they stick their heads out of the window?
  • If a mime swears, does his mother wash his hands with soap?
  • Is there another word for synonym?
  • Where do forest rangers go to 'get away from it all'?
  • Is it true that cannibals choose not to eat clowns because they taste funny?
  • If you try to fail, and succeed, which of the two have you actually done?
  • Why is there an expiry date on sour cream?
  • If you ate pasta, and then antipasto, would they cancel each other out, leaving you hungry? Or is it the ultimate diet food?
  • Why do they called it an asteroid when it's outside the hemisphere, and a haemorrhoid when it's inside your ass?
  • If someone falls unconscious in the Sahara Desert, are they out cold or out hot?
  • Where do all the letters go that get lost in the post?
  • Is it true that the most severe penalty for bigamy is two mothers-in-law?
  • Is a Paddy field where Irishmen grow?
  • Do refuse collectors have special training, or do they pick it up as they go along?
  • Do ants sneeze?
  • Is there anything that would not be cheap at half the price?
  • Do retired lumberjacks get the chop?
  • Do scarecrows ever get commended for being outstanding in their field?
  • Do they provide guide people for blind dogs?
  • Why is it that when a man talks dirty to a woman, it's sexual harassment but when a woman talks dirty to a man, it's £4.50 per minute?
  • If man evolved from monkeys and apes, why do we still have monkeys and apes?
  • Is half of a large intenstine a semicolon?
  • Do hairdressers get any fringe benefits?
  • Why do the moons of all the other planets in our solar system have grandiose names, but the one in orbit around the earth is simply called the moon?
  • Do flies on walls ever really notice everything that is going on?
  • Why is it that Larry appears to be generally so much happier than the rest of us?
  • Why do doctors instruct you to breathe in and breathe out? If you weren't doing this already, you would be dead. Or does it imply that there is another way of doing it?
  • Why aren't all financial advisers stinking rich, if they are any good at their jobs?
  • Which end of the morning is the top?
  • Now that churches have female priests, will congregations start singing Hyrs as well as Hymns and, in these politically correct times, shoudl prayers end with the word Aperson?
  • Who do people contact if they want to make a complaint about the BBC TV consumer affairs programme Watchdog?
  • If a love-struck couple decided to tie the knot in a portable toilet, would this be considered a marriage of convenience?
  • What do fairies do with all the children's teeth that they pay for?
  • If rhino horn is such an effective aphrodisiac, why are rhinos an endangered species? And how on earth did anyone disover that rhino horn is an aphrodisiac in the first place?
  • Why do we call someone on the phone and then, as soon as they have answered, ask them "can you talk?"
  • If a cemetery suddenly increased its fees, would the rises be blamed on the cost of living?
  • Is an unsocial foxtrot one in which everyone treads on each others toes on purpose?
  • What did cured ham have before it was cured? And if it is cured, can you still catch food poisoning from it?
  • If all the employees of a sign-writing company went on strike, would the protest placards they wave on the picket lines be blank?
  • Before they invented drawing boards, what did people go back to?
  • Can vegetarians eat animal crackers?
  • Do infants enjoy infancy as much as adults enjoy adultery?
  • Do Roman paramedics refer to IV's as 'fours'?
  • Does the Little Mermaid wear an algebra?
  • Doesn't 'expecting the unexpected' make the unexpected expected?
  • Why is abbreviation such a long word?
  • How is it that Superman can stop bullets with his chest, but he always ducks when someone throws a gun at him?
  • How do I set my laser printer to stun?
  • How do they get the deer to cross at that yellow road sign?
  • How can you tell when your pen has run out of invisible ink?
  • If a turtle doesn't have a shell, is it homeless or naked?
  • If a word is misspelled in the dictionary, how would we ever know?
  • If all the world is a stage, where is the audience sitting?
  • If it's zero degrees outside today, and the forecasters are saying it is going to be twice as cold tomorrow, what will the temperature be?
  • If love is blind, why is lingerie so popular?
  • If most car accidents occur within five miles of home, why doesn't everyone move 10 miles away?
  • When Webster wrote the first dictionary, where did he find the words from?
  • If work is so terrific, why do they have to pay you to go?
  • If you are cross-eyed, and you have dyslexia, can you read all right?
  • If you try to choke a Smurf, what colour does it turn?
  • If you jogged backwards, would you gain weight?
  • If you're born again, do you have two belly buttons?
  • Is a castrated pig disgruntled?
  • If a magician loses his box of tricks, has he become disillusioned, or is this what happens if you are banished from the Magic Circle?
  • What do little tweetie birds see around their heads when they get knocked unconscious?
  • If you get scared half-to-death twice, do you die?
  • What do you do when you come across an endangered animal eating an endangered plant?
  • What happens when none of your bees wax?
  • What's the speed of dark?
  • When two aeroplanes almost collide, why do they call it a near miss instead of a near hit? After all, they DID miss!
  • When you open a bag of cotton balls, do you have to consider the top one as packaging, and throw it away?
  • Who had the cruel idea of putting the letter 's' in the word lisp?
  • Why are a wise man and a wise guy opposites?
  • Why are they called apartments, when they are all stuck together?
  • Why are they called buildings, when they are finished? Shouldn't they be called builts?
  • Why are there five syllables in the word monosyllabic?
  • Why do scientists call their work re-search when, in fact, they are looking for something new that has never been discovered before?
  • Why do fat chance and slim chance mean the same thing, but overlook and oversee have different meanings?
  • Why do slow down and slow up mean the same thing?
  • Why do they call it a TV set, when you only get one?
  • Why do we store suits in a garment bag, but put all our garments into a suitcase?
  • Why do we say something is out of whack? What exactly is a whack?
  • Why do you press harder on the buttons on a remote control when you know the battery is dead?
  • Why do we wash bath towels? Surely you are clean when you use them?
  • Why do they sterilise the needles used to administer lethal injections?
  • Why do tug boats push their barges?
  • Why doesn't Tarzan have a beard?
  • Why is bra singular but panties plural?
  • Why is a carrot often more orange than an orange?
  • Why is it called after dark when it is really after light?
  • Why is it, when a door is open a little bit, it is ajar, but when a jar is open a little bit, it is not adoor?
  • Why is the third hand on a watch called the second hand?
  • Why is it called the tourist season if we can't shoot them?
  • Why isn't the word phonetically spelled the way it sounds?
  • Why is the alphabet in the order that it is? Is it because of that song?
  • Would a fly without wings be called a walk? And is a dog without a bone simply floppy?
  • Since the doctor always says "take two aspirins", why don't they simply make bigger aspirins, so you only need to take one?
  • On TV, why did the Incredible Hulk always rip all his shirts when he changed, but his trousers never split?
  • Don't you have to re-start before refinishing a table?
  • What are occasional tables the rest of the time?
  • Where does all the white go when the snow melts?
  • Why is it that you can walk down a road, even when it goes uphill?
  • Why is baseball called the World Series, when it's only played in the USA?
  • If a house catches fire, does it burn up or burn down?
  • Where does weight go when people lose it?
  • How do you draw a blank?
  • Can't anybody who is an employee of any company walk through a door that says "staff only"?
  • Why is taking the skin off an animal called 'dressing', but taking our clothes off is called undressing?
  • When does a large puddle become a pond, and a pond become a lake?
  • Why do people say "it's always in the last place you look?" Of course it is, because once you've found it, you stop looking.
  • If you butter a piece of toast and drop it, it always lands butter side down. If you drop a cat, it always lands on its feet. What would happen if you buttered the back of a cat and dropped it?
  • What would happen if night fell and the earth wasn't there to catch it?
  • Is a ghetto blaster a terrorist in a slum neighbourhood?
  • Can fat people go skinny dipping? And if so, should it not be called something more appropriate, like chunky dunking?
  • Is it possible to be a closet claustrophobic?
  • Is it possible to be totally partial?
  • When companies ship styrofoam, what do they pack it in?
  • Do cemetary workers prefer the graveyard shift?
  • If you shoot a mime, should you use a silencer?
  • How is it that we never hear about gruntled employees?
  • Why is it considered necessary to nail down the lid of a coffin?
  • Why does the sun lighten our hair, but darken our skin?
  • Why don't you ever read a newspaper report that begins "fortune-teller wins the lottery?"
  • Why is a boxing ring square?
  • Why is it called lipstick when you can move your lips quite freely?
  • Why is it that rain drops but snow falls?
  • Why is lemon juice made with artificial flavouring, and dishwashing liquid is "made with real lemons"?
  • Why is the time of day with the slowest traffic called the rush hour?
  • Why do you need a driving licence in order to buy liquor, when drink driving is illegal?
  • Why do you have to put your two cents in, but it's only a penny for your thoughts?
  • Why is the original text in a document called copy?
  • Why do drugstores make sick people walk all the way to the back to get their prescriptions, but smokers can get their cigarettes from the front of the store?
  • Why is the small version of popular chocolate bars called 'fun size', when surely it's much more fun to eat a bigger bar?
  • Why doesn't whoop ass come in bottles?
  • Why do people order double cheeseburgers, large fries and then a Diet Coke?
  • Why do banks leave their doors open, but chain their pens to the counter?
  • Why does round pizza come in square boxes?
  • Why do banks charge a fee for 'insufficient funds' when they know you don't have the money to pay?
  • Why are outlets electrical but inlets geographical?
  • Why is dyslexic such a difficult word to spell?
  • Why does lighting a BBQ always make a gale force wind blow?
  • Why is it that, no matter what colour bubble bath is inside the bottle, the bubbles are always white?
  • If Barbie is so popular, why do you have to buy her friends?
  • Why do you keep trying to vacuum up a piece of string and, when that doesn't work, you pick it up by hand, roll it into a ball and then put it back onto the floor to give the vacuum cleaner another chance?
  • Why aren't there any father-in-law jokes?
  • Why couldn't the professor on Gilligan's Island fix a boat, if he could make a radio out of coconuts?
  • If a cow laughed real hard, would milk come out of its nose?
  • Can atheists get insurance for acts of God?
  • Can you get arrested for running into a fire station and yelling "movie! movie!?"
  • If someone got addicted to counselling, how would you treat them?
  • Do one-legged ducks swim in circles?
  • How can the weather be as hot as hell one day and as cold as hell the next?
  • How does a shelf salesman stop his store from looking empty?
  • If FedEx and UPS were to merge, would they call the new company FedUp?
  • How many other people thought of the PostIt note before it was actually invented, but they didn't have anything to jot their ideas down on?
  • If a shop is open 24 hours a day, 365 days of the year, why does it have locks on the door?
  • If a bus station is where a bus stops, and a train station is where a train stops, why is there a work station in my office?
  • If a chronic, compulsive, liar tells you that he is a chronic, compulsive, liar, do you believe him?
  • If a tree fell onto a mime in the forest, would he make a sound?
  • If inert is to be stationary, what is ert?
  • If people from Poland are called Poles, why aren't people from Holland called Holes?
  • If pro is the opposite of con, is progress the opposite of Congress?
  • If quitters never win, and winners never quit, who came up with the phrase "quit while you're ahead?"
  • If someone has a mid-life crisis while playing hide and seek, does he automatically lose because he can't find himself?
  • If the people staffing the psychic hotline really were psychic, wouldn't they call you first?
  • If the plural of tooth is teeth, why isn't the plural of booth beeth?
  • If vegetarians eat vegetables, what do humanitarians eat? Does this mean that humanitarian is really another word for cannibal?
  • If you can read the marking, isn't that end already up?
  • If you dive into a pool of dry ice, can you swim without getting wet?
  • If you have a bunch of odds and ends, and get rid of all but one of them, what do you call it?
  • If you have a friend who works for the Psychic Friends Network, should you bother to plan a surprise birthday party for them?
  • If you have an open mind, why don't your brains fall out?
  • If you spend your whole day doing nothing, how do you know when you're done?
  • If you steal a clean slate, does it go on your record?
  • If you yell at your plants instead of talk to them, would they still grow, only to be troubled and insecure?
  • If you put some birdseed into soil and water it, would you be able to grow a bird?
  • Shouldn't the advice be "some things in moderation?"
  • There are 24 hours in a day, and 24 beers in a case. Coincidence?
  • What colour is a chameleon in a mirror?
  • What did we do before the Law of Gravity was passed?
  • What do sheep count when they can't sleep?
  • What does Geronimo say when he jumps out of a plane? Does he yell "meeeeee?"
  • What happened to the first 6Up drinks?
  • What is a FREE gift? Aren't all gifts free?
  • Who tows the tow trucks when they break down?
  • Why are there never any artist's materials in a drawing room?
  • Why are there flotation devices stored under the seats of an aeroplane? Wouldn't a parachute be more useful?
  • Why are we so afraid of falling, when it's actually reaching the ground that kills us?
  • Why aren't there any bullet-proof pants to go with the vests?
  • Why do airlines call some of their flights non-stop? If they were really non-stop, they would never land anywhere, and surely they would then run out of fuel?
  • Why do bars advertise a performance from a 'live band'? Surely a dead one wouldn't be very entertaining?
  • Why do we have hot water heaters? By definition, hot water is already hot, so it doesn't need to be heated any further.
  • Why does flammable and inflammable mean the same thing?
  • Why doesn't onomatopoeia sound like what it is?
  • Since only women menstruate, shouldn't it be called womenstruate?
  • Why don't you ever see baby pigeons anywhere?
  • Why is the person who plays a piano called a pianist, but the driver of a race car is not a racist?
  • Why is it so hard to remember how to spell the word mnemonic?
  • Why is it that when you transport something by road, it's called a shipment, but when you transport it by ship, it's called cargo?
  • Why is it that when you sit up and sit down, the result is the same?
  • Why is there only one Monopolies Commission?
  • Why isn't the word palindrome spelled the same backwards?
  • You know how most packages say "open here", what is the protocol if the package says "open somewhere else?"
  • Do retired bankes become disinterested?
  • Have ex-civil lawyers become distorted?
  • Have former locomotive drivers become derailed?
  • Since light travels faster than sound, is that why some people appear to be quite bright until you hear them speak?
  • If the universe is everything, but scientists say that the universe is expanding, what is it expanding into?
  • If you got into a taxi and the driver started driving in reverse, would he owe you money?
  • Isn't the best way to save face to keep the lower part of it shut?
  • How do you know when its time to re-tune your bagpipes?
  • How does a Thermos know when to keep a hot drink hot and a cold drink cold?
  • If white wine goes with fish, do white grapes go with sushi?
  • How can there be self-help groups?
  • Whare are Preparations A to G?
  • If you sit in front of a bird cage, reading a newspaper, does your pet bird wonder why you're just sitting there, staring at his carpet?
  • Why does your nose run and your feet smell?
  • If electricity comes from electrons, does morality come from morons?
  • Do illiterate people get the full effect of alphabet soup?
  • Can you get cornered in an igloo?
  • Why do we wash behind our ears? Who looks there?
  • Why don't they make the sticky stuff on the back of envelopes taste like chocolate?
  • Have you noticed that if you rearrange the letters of the words Mother in Law, you get Woman Hitler?
  • Why is it that when things get wet, they get darker, even though water is clear?
  • If a fork was made out of gold, would it sill be considered part of your silverware?
  • Why is vanilla ice cream always white when vanilla extract is brown?
  • How can something be new AND improved? If it's new, what is it improving on?
  • How can there be a limited lifetime warranty?
  • How can you be alone with somebody?
  • If we find life on other planets, how will this affect the Miss Universe pageant?
  • If your clone tries to kill you, is this officially classed as a suicide attempt?
  • Why do tourists go to the top of tall buildings, and then put money into telescopes so that they can see things on the ground in close up?
  • How does a shepherd account for every sheep in his flock without falling asleep in the process?
  • Do sheep get static cling when they rub against one another?
  • Can a pig pull a hamstring?
  • Do jilted farmers get John Deere letters?
  • Why do people say "heads up" when what they are really suggesting that you do is duck?
  • What do you say when someone incorrectly suggests that you are in denial?
  • If you had X-ray vision, but closed your eyes, would you still see?
  • If your name was Anonymous, would you get credit for everything nobody wanted credit for?
  • If water spins clockwise when it drains in the northern hemisphere, and anti-clockwise when it drains in the southern hemisphere, what does it do at the equator?
  • If you had X-ray vision and could see through anything, doesn't that mean you see through everything, and therefore you would see nothing?
  • If there is a 50mph wind blowing towards you and you drove your car at 50mph, would you feel the wind at all?
  • Why does closing up a shop and closing down a shop have the same effect? You can't buy anything from that shop.
  • Do former cowboys become deranged?
  • Do retired dry cleaners become depressed?
  • How do you throw away a garbage can?
  • If you are on a plane travelling at the speed of sound, and walked from the back to the front, are you walking faster than the speed of sound?
  • Why do we say we feel blue, and what colour does a Smurf feel when it feels depressed?
  • If you're caught between a rock and a hard place, does that suggest that the rock is soft?
  • if one man says "it was an uphill battle" and another said "it all went downhill from there", how can they both be having troubles?
  • Why do we say "bye bye", and not "hi hi?"
  • Why is the abbreviation for a pound in weight lb, when the word for a pound doesn't contain an 'l' or a 'b'?
  • How do you handcuff a one-armed man?
  • If Luke took a bath, would the water be lukewarm?
  • Why do we have the weight of the world on our shoulders, but when we talk about it, we have to get if off our chest?
  • If you accuse someone of being judgemental, aren't you judging them?
  • Why do they call it your bottom when it's really more like the middle of your body?
  • Why do they call it head over heels in love, when our heads are most often over our heels, so it's not really anything that special.
  • Why is the name of the phobia for the fear of long words: hippotomonstrosesquippedaliophobia?
  • Why would Superman want to leap over the tallest building in a single bound when he can fly?
  • How did the headless horseman know where he was going?
  • Why is American football called football when they barely use their feet?
  • Why do they call it an escalator if it takes you down?
  • Can a guy called Nick have a nickname, or was that it?
  • If someone owns a piece of land, do they own it all the way down to the core of the earth?
  • What is a male ladybird called?
  • How fast to hotcakes actually sell?
  • What do they call a female daddy long legs?
  • If croutons are stale bread, what's the point of putting them in airtight packaging?
  • If someone asks for toast in France, do they get French toast? Or do they have to ask for English toast?
  • If Milli Vanilli fell in the woods, would someone else make a sound?
  • Why are softballs so hard?
  • Why do toasters have a setting that burns the bread to a horrible crisp that on one in their right mind would ever want to eat?
  • Why are they called goosebumps, and do geese get them?
  • Can a magician make something vanish into thick air?
  • If feathers tickle people, do they tickle birds, too?
  • Why doesn't a chicken egg taste like chicken? Or why doesn't chicken meat taste like eggs?
  • If someone vanished without a trace, how do you know they are missing?
  • Why is the fruit called a pineapple, when there's neither pine nor apple in it?
  • Are good-looking eskimo girls considered to be hot?
  • Why do we scrub down but wash up?
  • If practice makes perfect, but nobody's perfect, why practice?
  • Why are most blackboards green?
  • Did they have antiques in the olden days?
  • Are zebras black with white stripes or white with black stripes?
  • If Pringles are so good that "once you pop, you can't stop", why do they come with a resealable lid?
  • Is a sleeping bag a nap sack?
  • Is there an exception to the rule that there's an exception to every rule?
  • Why do they call it getting your dog fixed whe, once you've done it, parts of the animal will never work quite the same way again?
  • If Wile E Coyote could afford all that Acme crap, why didn't he just buy himself a decent dinner?
  • If masochists like to torture themselves, wouldn't they do it best by not torturing themselves, in which case, aren't most of us masochists?
  • How can you chop down a tree and then chop it up?
  • How can you hear yourself think?
  • Is a hot car cool or a cool car hot?
  • If you fed a bee nothing but oranges, would it start making marmalade?
  • Does a piece of cheese say "meeeee" when you take a photograph of it?
  • Is there an abbreviation for the word abbreviation?
  • If you throw a cat out of a car window, does it become kitty litter?
  • What do they use to package up bubblewrap in?
  • If ghosts can walk through walls, why don't they fall through the floors?
  • If money doesn't grow on trees, why do banks have branches?
  • If two identical twin brothers married identical twin sisters, would they be able to tell their children apart?
  • Why does Bugs Bunny walk around the cartoon world naked, but puts on a bathing suit when he goes swimming?
  • Why aren't all greyhounds grey?
  • What was Captain Hook's name before he got the hook?
  • What would happen if you mooned a werewolf?
  • Is it possible to make another word out of the word anagram?
  • Why does the word 'one' have a 'w' sound in it, but the word 'two' doesn't?
  • If you hate people who are prejudiced, are you a hypocrite?
  • Why aren't marbles made of marble?
  • Did Noah have woodpeckers, woodworms and termites on the Ark?
  • Is atheism a non-prophet organisation?
  • How far east can you go before you're heading west?
  • When they televise skiing events, why do the programme makers insist on insulting my intelligence by spelling out that it is 'downhill' skiing; I am going to make a reasonable assumption that nobody ever won a gold medal by skiing uphill.
  • When you see a sign that says "this door is alarmed?", don't you ever wonder what caused its state of anxiety?
  • How do people with short-term memory loss remember that they've got short-term memory loss?
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© 2017 Darren Bane