working wordsmith + happy husband + doting dad + amateur author + fledgling farceur + pretend prestidigitator + jolly hockeyologist
working wordsmith + happy husband + doting dad + amateur author + fledgling farceur + pretend prestidigitator + jolly hockeyologist

Quote, unquote

Wise - or otherwise - words from myself and from others!

They said...

The harder you fall, the higher you bounce.

 

Sometimes, when it seems as if everything is falling apart, it could be that all the pieces are coming together.

 

It's better to look back on life and say "I can't believe I did that" rather than to look back and say "I wish I had done that." It's better to regret something you've done than to regret not doing something when you had the chance.

 

To succeed in life, you need three things; a wishbone, a backbone and a funny bone. (I feel like a budgie with a broken beak - destined to succeed).

 

Don't cry because it's over, smile because it happened.

 

Tough times don't last, tough people do.

 

Beaten paths are for beaten men.

 

If you don't get lost, you'll never find new directions.

 

The only difference between try and triumph is a little umph.

 

You can't polish a turd, but you can roll it in glitter.

 

Don't make excuses for people. You can't put a flower in an asshole and call it a vase.

 

There are three kinds of people in this world; those who can count and those who can't.

 

The early bird might get the worm, but it's the second mouse who gets the cheese.

 

The only things that come to he who waits are what was left behind by the man who got there first.

 

In vino veritas; carpe diem.

 

Draco dormients nunquam titiandus - (never tickle a sleeping dragon)

Semper in excretia, sumus solim profundum variat -(we’re always in the manure, only the depth varies)

Sic hoc legere scis nimium eruditionis habes - (if you can read this, you are over-educated).

 

Laughter is the best medicine.

 

"Reports say that there’s - that something hasn’t happened are always interesting to me, because, as we know, there are known knowns; there are things that we know that we know. We also know there are known unknowns; that is to say, we know there are some things we don’t know. But there are also unknown unknowns, the ones we don’t know we don’t know…" - Donald Rumsfeld, Feb 2002

 

"I want to be remembered for bollocks"     - Brian Blessed, October 2013 

 

"Overall, the experience of death has improved quite a lot" - Norman Lamb, Minister of State for Care Services, November 2012.

 

"Defeat is OK" - Nelson Mandela’s chiropodist.

 

I said...

From little acorns, you get very small nut cutlets.

 

I'd give my right arm to be ambidextrous.

 

if you're happy and you know it, think again.

 

I will be back when I return, and not a moment before. And if I do come back before I return, then shoot me because I will be a cunningly-cloned imposter.

 

Someone said to me "that's not my cup of tea" and I thought it's just as well. If we all liked the same cup of tea, it would be a pretty rum do for all the rival manufacturers.

 

I'm like a gloworm which has backed into a fan - de-lighted.

 

I know I shouldn't pay too much attention to the voices in my head, but sometimes they come up with such interesting things.

 

There's no point having your fingers in lots of different pies if you never get around to doing any baking.

 

I always aim to please. It's not my fault I'm just such a rotten shot.

 

I am a flawed genius; the main flaw being that I've not yet discovered where my true genius lies.

 

As a bone-fide Bristolian, do you know what's holding me back? Me spine!

 

Superstitious? Pah. I take all that superstitious stuff with a pinch of salt. Tossed over my shoulder, of course.

 

I've got the Sadim Touch. It's the opposite of the Midas Touch. Instead of everything turning to gold, it turns into something a long, long way from gold...

 

If I ever get to be a performing magician, I am going to go onto stage with a parrot on my shoulder, which I will have taught to say "help! He's turned me into a parrot!"

 

I'm getting older, and wider. But, on reflection, I see myself.

 

I want to grow up without growing old.

 

I am learning to live in the moment. I used to live in Bristol.

 

I'm suffering from Proofreaders Fobia, the fear of mis-spelled words.

 

I've coined a word of my very own, which I think perfectly encapsulates the kind of verbal nonsense I love indulging in: people have often accused me of talking bollocks, but it can be quite good bollocks. Or, as I prefer to call it, "QUALLOCKS", which means quality bollocks.

 

You don't need a holiday, if you have a LOL-a-day.

 

Autocorrect makes me say things I didn't Nintendo.

 

I curse the man who invented autocorrect. If I ever meet him, and he offers to auto-correct something for me, I will simply say "you can't." Actually, I won't get to meet him, as I understand he recently died. His funfair will be next monkey.

 

What's sauce for the goose doesn't necessarily go down well with chips.

 

One should always give 100% in everything one does - with the possible exception of giving blood.

 

Be better, not bitter.

 

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© 2017 Darren Bane